A letter to China

Friday night, I put Grace to bed. Dan and I usually divide and conquer with the 2 kids. He takes one and I take the other. Bedtime at our house is happily a very calm and relaxed event, we read books and talk. And mostly I just listen because with my 3 kids I've learned all kinds of things about them. What's in their heads and hearts and I don't have to ask many questions, it just comes out. Friday was one of those nights with Grace. I walked across her bedroom to get a few books and paused by the light switch. Above the light switch is one of Grace's adoption announcements that were sent out when we adopted her in 2003. Also framed with the announcement is a baby picture taken of Grace when we were in China at that time. Grace asked me when that photo was taken and I answered her. She then said to me, "Mom, I miss my China Mom and Dad sometimes and wonder what they look like. I wish I could meet them someday. " Now Dan and I have been very upfront about Grace's adoption with her, we've spoken about it honestly and at a level that we feel she can understand for her age. I told Grace that my greatest desire would be for her to meet her China Mom and Dad, but I don't know if it's possible. I don't know who they were or if we could find them. There are times that Grace seems to 'get it' with the explanation about her adoption and the reasons why she came to live with us...we explain it that China has a rule that you can only have 1 child. I've also told her that sometimes countries make rules and the people have to follow them. The sad fact is that I don't have the answers for my daughter and never will. I know that at about age 6-8 most adopted children start asking real questions about their past and begin to start to understand it more fully. She asked me a second time what I thought her birth parents look like and I said, "If you look in a mirror you'll see your Mom and Dad, Grace because you look like them." We also talked about what her parents might be like. I also encouraged her to to draw a picture for them and maybe we could write a letter. And that's what we did on Saturday and Grace drew a picture for them. She told me what to write and here it is:

"Dear China Mom and Dad,

I love you and miss you. I wish I can come back and meet you. I wish you could meet my Mom and Dad. Someday I'll come to China. I am a good swimmer, I'm smart and pretty. I know my numbers and letters. I might take piano lessons.

Love, Grace"

If what I do as a mother to my children is help them to understand as best as they can the circumstances that allowed them to be adopted and be secure in themselves as people, I will have done my job. I hope and pray I can do that. Friday night Grace and I prayed together to God, that He somehow tell her China Mommy and Daddy that Grace is safe, happy and very much loved. Grace talked about mailing the letter to China and maybe it could find her parents there. I wish it could dear Grace. I wish with all my heart it could. Someday we will return to 'My China' as Grace puts it.

For now the letter from Grace resides in her bedroom, taped to the wall. Maybe it will find it's way to China. I'll encourage Grace to write as many letters as she wants to her birth parents.