Sunday, April 13, 2008

A little addendum to my last post


I obviously am an advocate for early screening of children adopted and particularly adopted internationally. No one has any idea as far as what birth parent's health histories were, or circumstances of what the child's orphanages were like or conditions as far as foster care if they were in it. One of the best books I can recommend is called: Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections, by Jean MacLeod & Sheena Macrae.

It came out quite a while after Grace came into our lives. The book has been a great resource and help to me and I recommend it highly. I like it because it's not so clinical of a read, and doesn't sound preachy. I have pretty much read every adoption related book I can get my hands on, but if anyone has one they recommend I would welcome that.


I have never been angry about the issues that Grace faced. We all are dealt a certain set of cards in this life. I don't blame God, not CCAA, not China or her orphanage and her caregivers. When you travel to China you will see that China does the best with what it has and in the very poor rural area where Grace came from they don't have much. China has given Dan and I the gift of our little girl Grace. I am no expert in the field of attachment nor developmental delays, I personally know children who have had extremely easy transitions to their new families and one's that have had very difficult ones too. I'm a mom who noticed some things that just didn't seem right. Go with your gut feelings, they are almost always correct. I believe it's highly likely your child will have a fairly easy transition and will do quite well. Out of Grace's travel group of 10 other families, she was the only one to have sensory and significant speech issues. :)

5 kind words:

Rony said...

Thanks for the recommendation! I understand all to well about attachment disorder. Most (not all-but most) will suffer attachment order in some way or another. The children who appear to adjust quickly are also suffering attachment. They have not distinguished yet who their caregiver is. Which was my Abbey. Even in her short young life she had numerous caregivers in the orphanage before she came home with us. She would go literally to anyone without! Very scarey. No one thought she had attachment but we knew the signs to look for. Our SW confirmed that she in fact was suffering from attachment. Once Abbey identified that dh and I were her caregivers she finally started trusting us. Katie had attachment to the other extreme. I recommend to anyone who is adopting to read all you can on attachment because nothing really prepares you for it.

Thanks.....

Story of our Life said...

Both posts are lovely!
Thanks for sharing. I love the fact it shows "how" it can/should be. That Grace is doing well - as well as you could ever ask. That she is a beautiful, kind and loving little 5 yr old.

I believe strongly she has done as well as she has because she has had an awesome mommy and daddy!!

Thanks for sharing.

We've talked about 'this' post a few times.

HUGS!!!!

Gala

OH MY #6 said...

Gail,

I will check this book out. Thank you for the recommendation.

How is your Sunday? It is really a lovely day in Toronto. We went out for brunch and I bought a beautiful new watering can. I will take a picture and post it.

Lea

Ashley said...

Hi Gail,
Thanks so much for sharing what you did in your posts. Because I do tend to "romanticize", hearing from paretns like you is so helpful and important. I was especially struck by what your SW told you. I have the book you mentioned, and several others. I have skimmed through them, but it is probably time for me to read through them a little more carefully. I do feel that the parenting classes at my agency have been very honest. However, there is still so much to learn.

Thank you for sharing Grace with us, too. What she experienced, and how she has blossomed! You must be very proud of her!!

hugs, Ashley

Sharon said...

What great posts!! Thank you so much for sharing that!!! You are an amzing mom and 'person'!! I am so glad your daughter has YOu for her mom!! I need to study up on this more becasue it feels like I forget what a read a year ago. I hope some of it seeps in when I don't notice so i will know what to do.

We need more posts like this!!

 
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