Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Crazy talk

There's a lot of talk going on in the China adoption world that has my head spinning. And there's plenty I'd like to say about it all and address. Instead of all of those thoughts spinning around in my head, I think there's no better place to put it than my blog. The place to find out information seems to be this person called the "Rumor Queen." Rumor Queen is a mysterious woman who stays anonymous for personal reasons, she reports rumors that come in related to China adoption and the China adoption community. She has quite a large following of people and I can tend to get "sucked into the vortex of insanity" as I call it sometimes. When things are good they are amazing and positive and supportive. When they are not so good, they are downright bad, mean spirited and negative. Sometimes you feel like you a "swirling in the toilet bowl" as I put it. 5 years ago when we went through this process to adopt there was no Rumor Queen. We just went on faith. And it was faith that got us through it all. Thankfully. What is happening right now is that there has been a couple of months of a very mild speed up in referrals coming each month. Those months were approximately 8 days of referrals. This month's (April) referrals are due any day. It will be a very small batch this month. Folks who post and comment on RQ (certainly not all, but some) are freaking out. Turning on each other, saying mean and hateful things and also speculating things that most likely are not true. There are days (not too many now) that I don't know how I can possibly wait any longer for my child in China. I ask God everyday to help me get through this and He does. Last night I was feeling a bit low about it all and when putting Grace to bed, Dan came in the room to say goodnight. I made a comment to him regarding the wait and how it could potentially be another 2-3 years longer. He said, "Gail, we will wait for as long as it takes." As...long...as...it...takes. In retrospect with all my infertility issues and the time we waited for Grace to arrive, it took 10 years to meet her. Do I think we will wait 10 years, no. The only way I know how to be with all of this, is to be positive and supportive to other people. We are moving forward, slowly but moving. I distinctly remember in the Summer of 2006, sitting in our SW's office and talking about adoption in general. I told our SW that adoption (whether it's domestic or international) is NOT for the faint of heart. It's a roller coaster, the highs can be just amazing and the lows so agonizing...so we wait and I take a break from the crazy talk...

11 kind words:

OH MY #6 said...

ME too my friend. We are right along side and in for the long haul!

Thanx for this great insight.

Lea

Mob said...

Great post Gail. Sounds to me like the China wait might be better place without Rumor Queen.Maybe they should re name her Roller coaster Queen! Your hubby has the right idea. God will give you the strength and the peace of heart to get through it. These trials that we face strengthen us and we will be better off because of them.
I'll be with you the whole way too!

suzanne said...

RQ can be a terrible place for stirring insecurities. A good source of information but it can be too negative. I need to remind myself that they are just rumours, and opinions. Only the CCAA knows the truth!

We will all get through this and support each other along the way. This will be our first and realistically due to the waits our only child.

Our children will be worth the wait, and it will happen :)

Kudo said...

I can't agree with you more. I will wait as long as it will take and we will come to the end of this very long road.

I am a faithful RQ reader. I never post and don't read much of the comments it helps me to stay focused on the present and not get taken down the dark black whole of RQ

Story of our Life said...

((HUGS) I've only been to that site a few times. After you had suggested. Since we are not, nor will we adopt from China it doesn't really pertain to us.

However, I can say there was somewhat of a similiar yahoo group in Haiti. I left the group 2-3 months before we stopped our process last spring for the very reasons you stated here.

I'm not saying you should do this..not at all!!

I know your wait is long and dreary. I know you will get threw this. In His time she will come. In his due time...I have to tell myself over and over (for everything).

One step at a time. One breathe at a time!!!

:) HUGS!!

L, Gala
Ps...missed you this afternoon

Denise C said...

OH Gail...I am so sorry you are being discouraged by this RQ....don't let her do that to you.....our God is bigger than any RQ...and His timing is perfect.....HE has your time line already planned and He has your little girl ready and waiting for you....He will hold her in the palm of HIS hand not only until you are united as a forever family....but also for the rest of her precious life!
He will carry you when you grow weary from the wait....Oh how sweet is HIS grace....it is completely sufficient my dear sweet friend!!
Hang in there sweet friend...I can only imagine how your heart must be so full of so many emotions....try to rest at HIS feet!!
I will be standing in the gap...praying for you..for your sweet little one in China ....and for your sweet Grace here with you now! She is such a blessing...and a gift!
Love you sweet friend!!!
Denise

missy said...

Gail, you are so insightful and smart to take a step back and revisit faith. The wait is torture, but God has every day planned. He has already created a perfect little girl for your family and in time, she will be with her forever family. Keep your head up and hang in there!

redmaryjanes said...

Hang in there Gail. We're going to get through it and it's going to be ok. You have many friends.

Rony said...

Gail, the only advice I will give you is to stay off that rumor nuts site. She is poison. She's been spreading her crap for years and I don't know why everyone continues to read her. Stop feeding the monster. I won't tell you to trust your agency as they aren't going to be truthful with your either. You just have to believe. I'm not a religious person, but I had faith that we were going to be re-united with our daughters and we were. I know the angst you are feeling. I'm here to hold your hand and wipe your brow.

Big hugs to you pretty lady.

Rony

Steffie B. said...

I don't even go to RQ....I refuse to get caught up in all the negative emtions that are out there....hang in there....we'll get our daughters....and we'll wait....as long as it takes! ;)

ShaggaBear said...

Hi, first time to your blog. I found you through "lady in waiting blog design."

I have to agree with you on this post. I found myself saying, "I'm right there with you, sister!" Love that quote, "vortex of insanity." I think I got caught in that the other day as well (on RQ).

We're LID 10-9-06 for our second adoption and my husband keeps telling me, "It's all in God's timing. We have to trust Him." I'm so glad we have our first daughter and the company of other waiting parents to help us through.

linda

 
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