Monday, March 9, 2009

Attachment and adopting a toddler to preschool age child





Last week(Thursday) was the first day we could really get outside and play for a decent length of time and it got up into the 50's. Another milestone(I think) happened in that Will ran up to me, grabbed my legs and spontaneously said, "I love you Mommy!." That was a first, he's said "I love you" many times before but it was always a response to us saying it. This little boy has come so far. I'm humbled and in awe of how brave he has been. Our children come with a history before they come to us, a history of loving caregivers or foster parents and I am ever mindful of that. You can see why they grieve and it's hard for them to take a chance to love again. If you are adopting a child that isn't an infant throw out all your expectations of what it will be like, your child has to grieve their loss before they can love again. And they will. It just takes time. The child you see being home at one, two or three months is not the real little person that they are.

15 kind words:

Missy said...

Such good advice, Gail! I know what a HUGE milestone that is and what a grand breakthrough. Congrats Mommy, as it means he is truly, 100% in love : ) What a sweet, precious little boy!

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

Will is tooo cute..
I am sure it is sooo hard on the older children.. but with time they will learn to love again.
HUGS..
Have a great day..
Hope you are feeling better and glad the weather is starting to look up..

OH MY #6 said...

Hey there friend. Hope you are feeling a little better today. This post is so touching.

"I'm humbled and in awe of how brave he has been" - this is such a selfless comment.

I in fact am humbled and in awe of your selfless mothering of your children. I know the past 6/7 months have been difficult for you too. And, not once have I felt you thinking about that.

You are an inspiration and thank you, for making my day with this outstanding post.

Lea
xo

Jboo said...

Great photos -- he is so adorable! I'm sure it is so different and at times, so hard, to adopt an older child. So happy that he's reached such a milestone! Have a good week.

Janet

redmaryjanes said...

I have learned so much from all of you mothers who went before me. Sophia is three and a half, so I know that she is going to be aftaid and we are going to have challenges.

Laura L. said...

Hi Gail,
This is a great post. Very true words.
Will is such a QT Pie. :) Truly he is a brave boy.

Laura

Margaret M said...

Oh what beautiful words to hear! He is so wonderful! Enjoy the break in the weather.

The Morris Family said...

Boy howdy! So so true, Gail! As we come up on our year mark with Maggie, it has reminded me of those first few months, where, we really were only getting glimpses of what our girl was really like.
Hope you enjoyed your photo class- you are capturing some really really special images for all of us to enjoy!

The Things We Carried said...

I could not agree more. This stunned me about Jane as I felt I knew her immediately, but she slowly opened herself up.

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

That must have been music to your ears!! I know that this is a huge step for Will......as always, your post topic is one we can all learn from. As someone who is waiting, I appreciate all the advice and information I can gather.

He is such a handsome little boy and that big smile just shows that he is one very happy child!!

Lisa

Colleen said...

This is such a good post! I think so many live in a fantasty of what it will be like and then they are shocked when things don't go as they planned. Your little man has come a long way : )

Super Mommy said...

Sounds like a great breakthrough! Will is such a handsome little fella!

Dita said...

Oh, Gail, how wonderful. There is nothing in the world as fantastic as that is there?

Will is growing before our eyes. He is all boy and when I see pictures of him I just want to eat him up. He is just so yummy!

Felicia said...

Sweet, sweet Will. Those words are music to a mamma's ears. It breaks my heart that they grieve but what a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel :)

Steffie B. said...

OMW....I am sobbing....I will be coming to you sweet friend....maybe even calling....

 
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